I participated in Julia Cameron’s Artist Way workshop when I was living in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. The first day of my workshop was Monday, September 10, 2001.
If you are not familiar with the Artist Way, one requirement is to write morning pages every day. Morning pages involve a hand written journaling exercise when you scribble down anything that is cluttering your head. They do not need to be poetic and they are not masterpieces. It is simply a stream-of-consciousness morning writing exercise.
Back to the Story…
Since the workshop started on September 10, 2001, my first Morning Pages experience was in the early morning hours of September 11, 2001, just a few innocent hours before the United States was attacked. Today, I’d like to share with you some of my Morning Pages from September 12.
I share this with you this morning as I pause to mark the seventh anniversary of the September 11 terrorist attacks.
September 12, 2001
“I spent a lot of time writing about my weight yesterday morning. I never imagined that the weight of the world trade center, just hours later, would crumble to the ground. Destroying thousands… impacting millions. Airplanes used as missiles, hijacked for destruction. People buried alive underneath the rubble are still calling from their cell phones.New York City and America will never be the same. As long as people are willing to sacrifice their lives, we are all victims.This whole idea of suicide attacks and suicide bombers … people who choose to end their lives in acts of evil. How can anyone justify killing so many innocent civilians?This is unbelievable and beyond my comprehension. Is this the beginning of World War III?
Fear is penetrating. I feel numb. I’m lifeless inside. I’m feeling guilty for enjoying life’s pleasures when so many people are suffering. So many are died. So much of the unknown is ahead of us. Will sleep be the only break I get from this horror?
I used to fly, remembering the indigo blending into the evening sky.
I used to dance, remembering being on the clouds awaiting my next land adventure.
I used to live, remembering the freedom of movement, leaping to all corners of the world for lengthy explorations.
I now have to remember to take deep breaths, to breathe in and out, to cleanse my soul of the unknown.”
Stacey, thank you for keeping the memory of this day alive. Not for the fact that we remember the terrible events of that day. For the fact that many people lost their life – innocent people. We remember them. And we remember all the people who worked tirelessly (some, losing their lives) trying to save others. And for the military personnel deployed because of this. No matter what your stance is on war – the fact that many people are sacrificing right now, today, because of what happened 7 years ago – that is what we remember.
Having to write about this the day after it happened. I remember where I was, and what I was thinking. But not of writing about it. It has to make your memory of that day just more vivid than having not written your thoughts. And that’s good. It gives this day more meaning to you (I think). Sadly, this was not what I thought of this morning when I got up. So, thank you for making this be a priority – remembering the horror of that day, and remembering the good that came from that day – the caring we saw across the nation (and world).
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It seems quiet here today. There will always be a calm on Sept 11th. I wonder if it is all of the angels surrounding those who lost so much? It’s a day to reflect and count our blessings…..and hug those we love for we never know when today will be our last day with them.
Thanks for reminding us.
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@Lance – Thank you for mentioning the people we must remember including those who worked tirelessly and those deployed after 9/11. Writing for 3 solid months straight after 9/11 helped me deal with all of my emotions. It truly helped me declutter my brain.
@Annette – It seems quiet here too. After I type this I’m going to sit on the edge of my son’s bed and count my blessings.
I completely understand why you wrote “I’m feeling guilty for enjoying life’s pleasures when so many people are suffering.” But as someone who grew up in Israel, enjoying life’s pleasures after a catastrophe is a strength. It’s the only way for a nation to survive a terrorist attack and emerge even stronger. Life must go on.
Thank you for sharing this.
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@Vered – Oh how I know what you say is true. I lived in Israel for a year (pre 9/11) and suicide attacks became a way of life. When I was living there, I promised myself (and kept my promise) that I was not going to let the terrorist terrorize me.
I had strength and courage, got right back onto those Egged buses, and embraced the strength of the country.
I wrote the words in this post in a state of shock, and over time I bounced back and refused, once again, to let the terrorist terrorize me. Thanks for the reminder of how I felt and how I lived once the numbness got under control.
Hi Stacey: On September 11th I was working for the Panama Canal Authority, the agency in charge of administering the Panama Canal. We were worried that there were going to be other terrorists attacks and that the canal might be a target since it’s so important to world trade. I think that it’s important to remember dates like these and that we can take whatever steps we can so that they stop happening.
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@Marelisa – It is very personal to me know where people were during the attacks. Thank you Marelisa for sharing your story.
Hi Stacey – over here in Australia I turned on the radio the next morning (they happened at 11 p.m. our time) to hear the news – and spent all that day, and most of the next, glued to my TV. I felt I needed to “be there” with everyone going through it.
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@Robin – I also was glued to my TV and radio until I could feel the pain run through my veins. Eventually, I realized I needed to take a break from the horror for my own sanity. And then something clicked >> I started hearing and seeing the remarkable strength and courage of the people of NYC and that helped me regain some faith in humankind.
it felt like yesterday passed to normally where I live.
I dont know what I wanted but more of a moment of national stillness.
quiet.
reflection.
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